Monday-back track

I have said in the past that I was trying to be kind to insects, catch and release, no more killing. This morning I woke up with a swarm of ants in the kitchen. A ton of ants.

When they are gathering, ants start with a double lane road. If its a good source, they'll go to four lanes, two approaching, two returning. In my kitchen this morning it was an eight lane ant super highway complete with HOV. They were also making little ant suburbs at the offramps. I was crunching ants underfoot just to see the swarm.

Quickly, without thinking, I grabbed the garbage bag they were after and stepped out the door. As soon as the door shut, I realized I was locked out and in my pajamas. Sammie was waiting for her cereal nearby, so I called her through the window and asked her to open the door for me.

"There are ANTS!"she said.
"Come over here and open the door, PLEASE?" I asked.
"But there are ANTS!" she said again and started to cry.

I could hear her cry all the way to the garbage cans and back.
Anna let me in.

I fixed Sammie some cereal and went straight for the cleaning supplies.
I don't know if I've ever killed so many ants in one fell swoop. I only stopped to rinse off my sponge when it started wiping like sandpaper because of all the ant carcasses stuck to it.

I wiped out the door, down the side of the building and then, started stomping and sweeping with my foot along the trail that leads to my side of the building. I even took out some spiders that got in my way.
So cathartic this ant killing, there was a dead ant shaped hole in my heart and I hadn't known about it.
I don't think I've ever eaten cereal on a Monday morning with so much calm.
Plus, the kitchen is now spotless (almost).

What I'd do with 800,000,000,000

I would like to take that big wad of cash and start another war. This war will stop a race of environmental, international killers. Killers that target the young and the old, the rich and the poor. This war would be a uniter and not a divider, bolstering our economy with new technologies. Its got something for everyone. A little environment, a little swing state action, the army corps of engineers and a whole lot more. However, it might be harder to win than the war on terror.

What is this glorious war of which I write so eloquently about? I want to start "the war against hurricanes". Those hurricanes, they hate our beaches and homes, be it mobile, prefab, mansion or on stilts. They sneak up on us, with only a few days notice, pillaging with their evil categories. They are heartless, godless and unforgiving. They aren't pro-choice, they're pro-abortion and pro-post-birth-abortion. They're pro-capital-punishment, even for the innocent. They waste billions of our taxpayer dollars and blow pork barrels and earmarks with speeds exceeding 100mph. In short, they should probably, maybe, if the political trends are right and the technology gets there and if we don't use all the money we were going to use on education and healthcare, be stopped.

We need to get Blackwater in on this. Blackwater, those war whores. I'm usually not the Blackwater type. I'm more of a, "Lets not get into unpopular wars we aren't willing to send our own troops into or even pay for" type of guy. But for my war we need them. We need to throw as many Blackwater dudes as we can at those damn dirty hurricanes. Hire them all.

Q: What about the impact on our environment?

A: How the heck should I know? Lets call Al Gore and get his ideas. I'll pay him. Really though, I don't want to be filling any of our precious landfills with the stinking carcasses of these things. After we slaughter the hurricanes, then we figure out how to sop up their guts and ashes in a green, clean, low-emission, reusable energy, recyclable kind of way. Kill first, then come in with a scalpel (instead of a hatchet) to clean up.


Q: But we don't have the technology to fight the hurricanes.

A: That's where part of the money will go to. There are some great research institutions in Oregon that we can pay to figure it out.

Q: Can't this wait until we solve all of the other crises? I'm getting overwhelmed.

A: Look, this is a war our forefathers fathers fathers should have fought.

Q: This is hypothetical right? And didn't you just call for a boycott of the olympics?

A: If we get the American spirit behind it... no. Plus, do you really think I can get that money (I'll even take it in gift cards)?


Look, this is an enemy I'd love to torture. If those suckers in congress vote yes on printing me another fat wad of billions, I can burn those hurricanes at the stake, or crucify them.

In short, die hurricanes die.

Then with the leftover money, we can revisit the moon like we should have in the earlier part of the second half of this decade.

Sleepy

I can't remember much because I haven't been sleeping much so I can't write much because the content eludes me.

Last night I had a prolonged dream/nightmare of not being able to remember what I had done earlier in the day, who I was with or where. I was trying to figure out, based on the locations I had traveled in my dream, where I had been. I wasn't referencing reality however, I was referencing the fictional timeline my dream was running. So I was never going to remember anything since I hadn't dreamed that far back.

I eventually woke up with internal yelling (doubtful that I had actually screamed it since the kids were still asleep) at some character that was a combination of multiple relatives that I didn't want to wake up yet.

I was okay with Sammie jumping on me as soon as the sun cracked at all (her signal that she allowed to transfer to our bed). It was a relief to get into the kitchen and start brewing the strongest coffee ratio of the month (and this is only the 5th). I can't wait to see the sludge I brew after the sleep deprivation goes on for another month.