Sentiment#2 Smiling Faces

There is nothing sweeter than a bunch of smiling faces. That is why, I am going to write about the latest high tech gadgetry I recently purchased. No, not an i-phone or a carbon fiber and fiberglass monofin. I am now going to write about my brand new, right out of the sterilized bag, dental implants.

Thats right, I've got screws in my skull like Wolverine and they are right in the top middle of my face. They haven't picked up any of the new digital television stations I keep hearing about, and you can't see them cause they're capped with some temporary fake teeth. Unlike some of Wolverine's implants, I can't pop them out and stab people. Additionally, unlike Wolverine I know who put them in there, but, just like Wolverine, they are made of adamantium.

Here's an excerpt from the upcoming graphic novel:

As the good doctor was drilling the first one in my head, I started feeling a slightly sharp, increasingly burning pain under my nose. How was I to talk with a drill, suction, gauze and two gallons of saliva in my mouth? I slowly raised my hand in the direction of the man with the drill. The pain, in the time I had decided to raise my hand, had increased ten fold. The burning was now hot but bearable, yet the sharp pain was two or three seconds into the intolerable range. There was only one thing to do, and it wasn't pretty. I made a high pitched gurgle and twitched a leg (since moving my head would have gotten me a new cheek piercing). The doctor stopped and slowly moved his gaze to my eyes. I could see the pool of blood that was once my mouth in the reflection of his protective lenses. "Does that hurt?"

And... scene.

Oh, yeah, unlike Wolverine, I don't have super healing skills. So two weeks after the fact, I am still cutting everything from tacos to burritos up into tiny slices and popping ibuprofen regularly. My x-rays will never look the same.

New!!
To listen to the audio version of this blog click here